It was three years ago this week that I had a less than a memorable Easter weekend. It was less than memorable because I don’t remember any of it. I started the weekend on a Thursday meeting a friend at a local restaurant, the next thing I knew it was Sunday. I had experienced a drug and alcohol induced blackout. The next day, I walked into 12 step. The beginning was miserable. Embarrassment, humiliation, self doubt, wondering if I could actually live a normal lifestyle and after so many years of hitting it hard, not really even understanding what normal was
That same week, I changed my phone number, moved from my home and did all things people do in trying to create a fresh start free of the influences that makes us weak. Those things are not the cause of the problem. I knew that. I just felt that some concrete steps had to be taken to make me feel better about taking the really hard road which is never easy. Failure is ALWAYS easier than that road. I know many who have done that who were right back boozing and drugging within a couple weeks. Some are not with us anymore. I then did my 90 12-step meetings in 90 days. I kept at it and got great support from other 12-steppers. It was hard. The 1st Year was very hard. Lots of dreams about alcohol and drugs. Lots of temptation to be resisted. Not physical temptation but temptation of the mind . Temptation of memories. I made it through my 1st year.
The second year was easier but still a journey of exploration of who I really was. I honestly did not know because I had spent so many years trying to be what I thought I needed to be the popular guy and used drugs and alcoholic to reinforce that phony world. I stayed sober but still was constantly reshaping and re-defining myself as I struggled to find me.
This last year has been great. I have gotten into acting, working on my 1st book and have focused as being defined as my own person. I have accomplished more in this 3rd year than I accomplished in multiple years of living to party. I do get a little sad when I see the people that I partied with standing still in their lives ,doing the exact same things they did with me. It’s sad but I can only control my sobriety. The best thing is that I now can enjoy the sounds of birds of 6 am in the morning. They are a sign of rising to the promise of a great day and not the dread of having been up all night. Here is to year number 3!